I had been fearing the results of my physics test all day.
Despite all of my studying, (and the fact that I was doing excellently on all my homework) I totally blanked on the test for the most part. Ray diagrams I quite literally winged on the spot, and I knew for sure that I got at least 2 questions wrong. Whether Mr. Buller would give part marks is more than I can say.

I was lured into a false sense of security when I heard from Lauren (who had him last year for the same course) that there was no way in fucking hell that Buller would have all the tests marked and ready to hand back the next day.

Mama, we're all full of lies.

He was half way through marking them by the beginning of the block, meaning that he must've spent at least some time marking them the block previously or even the night before. Anytime that he talked about his progress on the marking, or when Zack brought it up, I just closed my hands over my ears and chanted to myself "don't talk about it. don't talk about it..." over and over again. I'm pretty sure that Mr. Buller heard me too.

The problem is, that even though I wanted to hate Mr. Buller with a burning kind of hatred for the stress that he was putting me under by actually being punctual with his marking, I could not because HE WAS WEARING A SHIRT WITH CATS ON IT.

Curse you Mr. Buller, knowing my only weakness..... cats and skulls.

Because you know what? Later I realized why a guy like him was wearing a black v-neck tshirt with brown cats on it, and he still looked as cocky as ever, despite the fact that their was some pussy on his chest. XD

GET THIS: The cats on his shirt formed a SKULL. A FUCKING SKULL.

Nhhhhhhhng. Oh Mr. Buller. Curse you. Curse my love for cocky assholes, whose lives are made glamorous but pitiful by the stories that they tell.


Anyways, it turns out I didn't do that badly on it as I thought. Thank god for my artistic side needing to draw everything out before doing any calculations- it got me a lot of part marks.

I got home, took a nap, talked to Hanna, and then watched Good Will Hunting while studying for my chem12 test tomorrow.

This movie is both inspirational and depressing for me, mostly because anyone that knows me well enough to be called a "friend" knows that Will is a direct parallel for myself. Ie: A really smart kid who just understands some things so easily, but is content getting drunk with his buddies every night and working a blue collar job, while constantly sabotaging any meaningful relationship for fear of the inevitable crash-and-burn finale.

It's true, I don't want to really get to know anybody. I don't want to hear "I love you", I know I'll never actually be able to say it back. I'm not looking for someone to save me, but I'm not looking for someone to blindly accept all my faults with absolutely no qualms about it.

I think the only thing that I definitely disagree on is the stupidity of being happy with being mediocre. How can anyone be happy with being....average??? This is where one of my "average" friends makes the comment that not everyone can be as "smart" as me, to which I always replay "there is a big difference between doing your best and being content with where you are now ." People should always strive to improve. I can't respect people that are happy with mediocrity, dead end jobs, no room for improvement. People like my father.

At the same time, I could never be with someone on the same intellectual level in the same field (science) or more intellectually superior than me (again, in the same field). It would just be a constant battle for morel superiority between us, and though I love a good fight, it would in no way be a healthy relationship. I don't like to lose.

Sometimes I wonder if I secretly want an unhealthy relationship.
Then I think that I'm just tired with pussies that want to talk about their mushy-wushy feelings and insecurities and "growing and learning together". BULLSHIT. I have enough insecurities for the both of us, I don't need to hear about yours.

Curse you Sarah.... curse you and your attachment issues.

so~ AE09 is finally over, and after being absent for like the past 6 months (though I think its more than that....>.>;) I'm back. After 1st semester with science co-op and all, I just had a really hard time adjusting to a regular time table again, and so spent all my free time doing homework that in the end didn't count for anything, or sewing in preparation for the convention.

But I'm still alive! D: why why why why why why..... now I have 3 weeks to put together an entire collection for Innocente Seraphim in Seattle at the beginning of August. The girls and I have already started on stuff, and with each of us missing at least a week at some point due to family vacations, scheduling is turning out to be a big hassle, with a lot of cancellations and make-ups. Not to mention Jade (the youngest) is too busy with her new boyfriend to do anything... >.>; even the simplest thing like get her goddamn passport so she can get her nexus.

Anyways... ONTO THE CONVENTION PICS! ( I was really busy at the table, but these are the few that I got...)

(  Pre-reg and the Masquerade )

So I really didn't get as much I was hoping to get done over march break....namely the JSK, which after coming so close to finishing the lining, realized that the back was WAY too loose and thus WAY to big on Christine!!!! D:
-> needless to say, I have to completely rip out the lining (DX) and redo that and the zipper. Fun, just so much &^%&^#&^@%$@#%#($@*#ing fun. Another thing to add to my tremendously growing to-do list.

I've also begun training some minions, in some poor last minute attempt to alleviate my work load, hoping that while they work on accessories I can focus on getting some full pieces done.....I have all of this wonderful cherry gingham fabric I imported that I really want to use for some adorable skirts for the sweet side of LMDL. Still trying to get my designs made into reality, to define the sweet vs. the elegant sides in LMDL, but it seems I'm just trying to get what will sell done, to fund all these projects waiting in my sketch book.

Incredibly far behind on making accessories for the AE fashion show, my fingers not at all looking forward to all the pleating and pinning of lace around corners, bends, stitching in ribbon.....I dont even know if I'll have stuff that will compliment the lolita styles that people will be wearing......so many bow clips, headbands, and alice bows to do.......D: save me.

Some pics of the JSK *pinned* on my doll before I sewed the bodice on and everything... I'm not at all happy with the design considering I could not find the black rose venise lace I wanted to use for detailing, so in the end I just added simple heart pockets (yes, they are functional pockets) and the black trim over the seam of the bottom ruffle... and considering how busty and hippy Tine is, I guess its best I didnt add so much....



Cotton lace is on the way, and making attempts to order my jap. border fabric, but it seems to be SOLD OUT! D: still going to order some of the sweet tartan though for the Eurololi line and hopefully start pumping out Vkei stuff, including my much adored bondage pants

Our first attempt in the way of pants was poor at best; I'm not used to making suit-like stuff, mostly because stuff like pants are really easy to mess up on and require a lot of tailoring. I've never done a pant fly before....so this was quite the learning exercise. Making a skirt, SIMPLE. Making a corset, time consuming, but pretty straight forward. Dress? Fine, it will take a week and require a lot of fittings, but IT WILL GET DONE. Pants? Suits? BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. Almost as much as cuff plackets on shirts. D<
Not to mention the pattern we initially drafted came out WAY too small for the average person, as everything was based off of asian sizes in Japan/China, and all the measurements were done as such. Luckily for us though, they fit Jade like a glove, and even though the fly wasn't as crisp as I wanted it to be as we didn't have time to press it before Jade ran out the door to catch a ride to hang out with her bf, they wear okay.....and now that I've taken the time to have a decent pattern ready, our next attempt should be perfect. I will except nothing but.



Anyways, decided to stop taking my regular afternoon cat naps, and instead sew, now that I have my ruffler foot I want to attempt a fer bonnets......once the new lace is in... I need to at least double my current stock, including making specific pieces for the fashion show..... DDDDX

I seek my own Great Perhaps.

I haven't been posting as much as I originally planned to.......need to keep this project alive! Finally now Mr. Mak has given us a bit of a break from all the very-easy-but-very-time-consuming math hw (and by that I mean I'm procrastinating on doing it until the end of March Break) so I finally have some time to post, without having to stay up to 12am every night getting my math hw done, because I'm so OCD when it comes to completing everything to my unrealistic schedules.

Onto the updates!!!
-> First of all, I've finally completed the first blouse for the Anime Evolution Lolita Fashion Show in June that I've been asked to speak at. It took 2 days after school of making/cutting the pattern, and then cutting the fabric, then another weekend of sewing it all together, and just recently finished sewing the buttons (even though I have to redo one because it is not perfectly symmetrical) .
The blouse is a size 16 (WOW) to fit the lovely Christine, a good friend and my main model, who I am making a red tartan JSK with black lace to match the black blouse and her golden curls. I keep thinking that "oh yeah, she's just taller than me and has bigger boobs, so it shouldn't take up TOO much fabric...." but then it DID. D: I can't get over how -big- she is, but even she admits that she has some wicked curves and that I keep thinking she's a lot smaller than she really is :/
Anyways, the blouse is done for it, and considering it was my first blouse with a bib and proper instructions for plackets, puffed sleeves, and a decent collar, it turned out pretty well (although not perfect). My sewing instructor the intermediate sewing was a complete and utter moron, so I didn't learn these much needed basics for sewing actual clothing, versus little crafty garments. Thus making this blouse was quite the sewing lessons, and I had the learn the hard way. ;___; overall I managed to save it and it's half decent in my opinion of being a perfectionist.

some pics of the blouse without buttons done:




(I have some pics of Tine wearing it, but my camera is being lame)

-> I've also starting working on the JSK, with my little assistant Jade, with Tine there to help with the fittings. I desperately need more black lace, so I'm trying to hold off until we go to dressew on Monday and after I work on tomorrow to pay for all the new cotton lace I'm ordering, and still pay back mother for the serger. We have most of the bodice done, still need to bast the top lace and do the lining, and then of course we need AMARA TO GET HER ASS IN GEAR, seeing how she's been flaking on coming over to insert the invisible zipper. D< She hasn't been over since the last convention LAST YEAR and it's all because of her new bf, although she just broke up with him and says she's available " any time I need her" now. EXCUSES EXCUSES. Of course the leaves me to do EVERYTHING. At least come time of the show, I'll have an awesome collection that I can say I made ALL BY MYSELF. )< And its such a shame too, because when Amara actually puts her mind to it, she does very good quality work. She just has some MAJOR commitment issues.

The on-the-way JSK:


Plans for tonight:
-> baste lace on bodice of JSK
-> finish blue lolita pajamas
-> fix that one asymmetrical button the the blouse
-> make an attempt to work on putting up the paypal buttons on the site
-> try not to drive up to Delta and kill my obnoxious boss. :)

MY SERGER IS FINALLY IN!!!!! XD
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.... I can finally make such pretty things! :3

so, after having to deal with my cheaptastic but friendly Kenmore sewing machine that we bought with the Sear's card (we had some free credit on it) I finally have a decent Brother serger for that wonderful professional finish I've been craving since starting to sew full outfits.
So just wait and see what odd little things I'll be making....fist up: a blouse au Voltaire! Jade desperately need a blouse that fits her, (all of my friends are incredibly petite, it makes finding well-fitting formal clothes quite difficult) for her band trips. The one she has now is actually something one of the teachers gave her because she didn't have one =_=;;; Thus the first blouse we make with the new serger is not going to be perfect, so I'm going to give it to Jade.

I wish I could post some pics of my lovely new serger, but I haven't set it up as of yet due to still being sick and trying to make up for the 9 hours of sleep I usually get everyday through cat naps and REM sleep.

Anyways, Jade is coming over Friday since its a ProD day= no school! :D and we're going to spend the day sewing a blouse or two, and I want to make a protoype vest for some Steampunk ideas and then a bonnet in hopes of making a few for AE in June. I got the basic pattern for the vest from a friend (but we still need to modify it to fit us) and I made a basic bonnet pattern using all the amazing math skills of trigonometry that I learned last year! :E math ftw. It really can be used in real life D8!

So I've been in bed sick and dying for the past 2 days from a most terrible flu that I have no idea why I have it NOW when everyone else had is like 2 weeks ago. FAIL. I'm so sick that I actually took the past 2 days off from school -GASP- which is something I almost never do unless it's just going to be a day filled with BS or I absolutely needed it. All in all though, I, by some miraculous means still managed to get all my math homework done and tonight I have to go with mother back to the school to go to the Q&A about the Jap. Exchange (and hopefully track done my soc11 & eng12 teachers while I'm there).

dying dying dying....OH WAIT. Just before this sudden illness I managed to complete the first prototype of the GL dress for my little sister (who I despise more than anything on this god forsaken planet) and is it... HERE:



I'm not very happy with how it turned out overall; I wasn't going to waste good material for a prototype so I didn't do lining, and we ran out for the print fabric so we could not do the entire skirt in it, or gather it as much as we wanted to. :/ Something to fix for next time.
There is also a sister print to this, only it is pink+white vs. pink+black, once I have more $$$ after completing the retro lollipop dress (will post design pics soon) .

ARGH. lining. But I know I need to do it to improve the quality of the garment.

anyways, Imma back to school tomorrow. DX to collect all the boring soc11 and eng12 hw then.

So despite the fact that I'm a year a head in english and in Math honours, this week Ive discovered that everyone in all my classes ARE COMPLETE MORONS (with the exception of my good friend Lauren)

ARGH.

Well at least my teachers arent complete morons? Except for Eng of course.

anyways, I really miss Science Co-op as it was just so convienent to be in teh same classroom all the time, with the doors always open and everything... I have Socials 11 in the same room this semester, and it drives me up the wall because I has such status as the "all knowing one" in Co-op and now I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots who dont even know their own history. >:/ Let a lone BASIC INTERNATIONAL HISTORY NOW. No one knew what I meant by "Somali Pirates" until the teacher explained it, and no one knew that India was a British Colony. *painful*


SEWING UPDATES
I have finally started to finish the prototype GL dress for the lolita site and now just have to finish all the bottom bows and sew them on. (Hopefully something I will get to tonight)


The Very Beginning of It:


I havent re-started sewing any more merch for AE09 as of yet, mostly because I really want to get some new lace and what nots, but am currently broke until I get my serger; my moneys locked away for when we order it (sometime soon plz!)

ps: Reminder to self to post the new crowns on the site tonight as well!!!

So yes. I have conformed and joined LJ. D: OH NOES.
My therapist thinks its a good therapy method, so Im doing it hoping to encourage my father to do the same. :)
What do therapists know? >:/


moving on.....yeah. Me? I like to sew and in the process of establishing an affordable lolita brand: Love Me Dead Lolita for all those who refuse to pay the outrageous prices of importing fees! DX Buy Local~! It's a little pet project to keep me from going insane due to my rigorous academics and raises money for my fav. charities *water pump fingerscrossed*

Im very odd, which somewhat hinders my abilities to communicate effectively with ppl, and I hold myself and soceity to an incredibly high intellectual standard, so Im hoping the touch-and-go style of LJ com. will help me get more involved in the cosplay and lolitas communities, especially now that I have a bit of a break from Science Co-op~



I LIKE MAKING PRETTY THINGS :E

ps: already working on my own CSS layout. :3